our distress

Lately I’ve been learning an important lesson about being present. It is not the events or circumstances in our life that cause us distress. It is our EXPECTATIONS attached to them, whether it is that something is not what it used to be or that something is not what we want now. This has been a profound lesson for me and one that, as a ‘beginner’, is taking a little practice.

I read 2 books last week that have completely changed my perspectives on life. One is called “The Essential Laws of Fearless Living” by Guy Finley. The other was “Of Monkeys and Dragons” by Michelle L. O’Donnell. All I can say is Wow. And many thanks to my friend Beth Daniel for recommending them to me. I still have a ways to go but at least I feel some hope and empowerment towards my goal.

Vivid dreams

My dreams have been very vivid lately. In all of them I have been encouraged by the fact that I’m healthy and walking. To me, this symbolizes a change in my psyche, hopefully on a very deep level at which I will begin to see the manifestation of my desire. Only time will tell. But this comes on the tail end of a realization last week that I’ve been looking for something externally that I really need to find within.

It’s been a pretty painful realization, humiliating, mortifying, and one that, if I chose to, would be very harshly judged. In fact, I’ve tried not to judge myself and had a very difficult week battling it out with the parts of me that feel some recrimination is necessary. That, on top of the other events from last week concerning my cats, has made it a very difficult time. But, I trudge on.

Interestingly, my dreams are often imaginative and revealing. The other day I had a dream in which I answered the door (which is a sunken entryway that I cannot access from wheelchair) and met a construction worker. He told me about a job he was doing nearby and I ended up bartering with him to get Ed some work. Later that morning, a lady called with a job for Ed to bid on. I felt the dream was some sort of premonition, but I also thought it was funny.

That same night I also had a dream about my kids swimming in a hotel pool and claiming that people had been urinating in it. Go figure. I haven’t tried to interpret that one yet. What are your dreams saying to you?

changes...

***please note my older posts were accidently deleted. I cannot figure out how to reinstate them... so Ce' La Vie! I am not worried about starting over, are you?

I have this WONDERFUL new...

The other night a woman that I know minimally came up to me to chat after our drumming circle. She is really a genuine, sweet person, and she wanted to tell me about this new device that might help me, somehow. *sigh* I think she was selling them. It sounded like an MLM deal, to be honest.

But I guess the worst part was realizing once again the lesson that the Universe keeps illustrating over and over to me, whether just as a reminder, or for humor’s sake or some other hidden reason.

The lesson is this: One can never walk in another person’s shoes. Even if two people have similar experiences or are going through the same thing, the equation that got them there to the same answer or experience will be made up of different components.

No two realities are the same, plain and simple. So it stands to reason that what works for one person in a situation, or say with the dis-ease, will not work for someone else in the same situation.

I can’t count the number of times people have come up to me suggesting solutions or aids or products or [fill in the blank]. All because I happen to be in a wheelchair which means I have an obvious problem that they feel needs fixing. I’ve learned to smile and say thank you. And throw away the paraphernalia later. It’s easier than explaining or arguing the point.

The fact of the matter is I’m not looking for a miracle cure. I know what’s wrong with me and although I don’t know how long it will take, I know it’s not permanent. Now, if I could get the ‘easy target’ stamp off my forehead that came along with the wheelchair…